Recovery

I had my surgery almost two weeks ago - progress is slow, but certain. It's so hard to train the mind to listen to the body and relax when all of these months I have been forcing my mind to ignore my body and carry on, be a trooper, do what needs to be done - and I did (for the most part), you know how it is, mind over matter. Now, I am told to listen to my body, don't overdo it, rest, stay in bed etc. etc. etc....I have at least two more weeks, maybe four of recovery and boy, the hardest part is dealing with the finality of the situation. Few things in my life have been so final. Now, there's no going back. I'll never have what I dreamed of, hoped for, expected all of my life. That door is closed and yes I know there are other options but I am feeling the loss of what could have, should have been a possibility for me. A door closed and I am left to wonder, what if? what if? The surgery was necessary, necessary to be pain free and regain my sanity, my life. So I am left to reorganize my future dreams and wait for new doors to open. I am hopeful and certain that after the initial coping and grieving period, I will be at peace with my decision.