Endometriosis Awareness Month

March is Endometriosis awareness month.  In order to support the cause and help educate the public about this disease, I am donating a portion of the proceeds of my book sales for the ENTIRE month of March.   

courtesy of photobucket

one liar plus one liar must equal two...

lured into insanity and manipulation
constant flow of go away, come back
go away, come back
she thought your words true
your anticipation as genuine
though, truth always reveals
a pawn in a charade she was -
yet not priveleged of knowing
how foolish must she seem now
as she sits and stares - truth in the face
no stranger to the equation
one liar plus one liar must equal two
two people very well suited for each other

The Ghost of Endo....

Whispers

I still dream of you
Ella Blue
your whispers wake me
so I scan the room
still utterly shocked 
you're just a dream
life is cruel - so it seems
you visit my slumber in the darkness of night
I can't escape you though I try with all my might
the girl in my dreams with bright blue eyes
is replaced with emptiness, and sad sighs
I'm dizzy in loss on this dark, paved road
tears trickle in the shadows of my quiet abode
cold shivers of regret, despair and fear
I'm cursing the disease that brought me here
cradling the nights alone in the dark
til morning sun tries to warm my heart
I hope up and look to a brand new day
where acceptance comes back and regret's at bay

Blessing Love

The Love in my heart is deep and devoted today and every day.  

May you receive the blessings of love in every form possible.  xoxo 

Happy Valentines Day!

Love is in the air!

spread the magic, show you care

buy some candles, flowers, candy too

a truehearted one is waiting for you

nuzzle up by candles, fire light

renew your bond that burns so bright

share your heart, a poem or a prayer

a puppy biscuit, if he's the only one there

It may be a season or a lifetime of love

a gift, a glimpse of a snow white dove

Hold fast to these moments if you dare

of these fleeting memories...life's love affair

Breaking Pain

your visit was brief in the darkness of night
you took my hand, I knew I'd be alright
you spoke of silence, stillness, and ego controlled thoughts
singing words of strength - quieting my agitated heart
as hope fluttered inside my being
once again, I basked in your healing
I forgave your absence as I apprecated the release of fear
soaking in your peace as you sat near
watching my gut-wrenching thoughts walking away
no longer captive of my own silence I had much to say
your softness revealed - a charm I had forgotten
I was again a  fairy - being showered by flowers in this garden
breaking pain over a cup of hot tea
embracing the grace of God as it washed over me
then, I awoke and watched you disappear
that fiction - my fortress must've brought you here
just a place between thoughts in a hush of my dream
my friend, again -  you are gone so it seems

Black Noise

jagged, double-edged sword
cut's deep and raw tonight
commotion whirling inside my head
doing my best to calm the storm
I repeat enchanting melodic lyrics
enveloping each and every word
wondering how it even creeped in ...
that black and ugly noise

For My Friends....

"Encouragement walks behind you. 
Hope walks before you. 
A friend walks with you." 
- author unknown

Finding my Muse....

I will be buying my own guitar.  Soon.  I hope it looks like this.  It probably won't though.  I can't afford a custom made guitar.  Besides, I want an acoustic electric guitar.  But, seriously - this guitar has Noelle written all - over - it.  Hearts = Me.  *Sigh.... So, yes I will be back on the path to finding my muse...back on the path to following dreams.  I lost this dream along my stumbled path the past two years.  Funny though, the same tutoring gig that began my adventure of learning to play this beautiful instrument just might be the same gig that gets me back to holidng a guitar - no - my OWN guitar in my hot little hands.   And, maybe a new guitar instructor to boot.  I'll admit - I'm a little  VERY excited.  This is the year where dreams come true, my friends....dreams will be coming true.  

Wow. Just Wow!

I have to admit some days are just better than others - well, actually - some weeks are just better than others.  It never ceases to amaze me how the universe just reaches out with kindness precisely when you need it.  I found another award awaiting me today.  I'm stunned to say the least.  Not so much by the award itself but the words I received along with it.  I have to thank the lovely Lenzey at Life, Love, and Living in it it for making my day brighter.  Go visit her blog - you will not be disappointed.  She's a very strong woman who has battled the ugly endo - as I have and has dealt with the  experience like a true warrior princess.  She has walked the same path as I regarding the disease.  I often look to her blog for words of strength and hope in dealing with the aftermath of  hysterectomy.

Again, I rebel from the rules for same previously state reasons.  I pass this on to all of you on my blogroll on the right hand of my page so if you read this - here's my gift to you.  Sorry to be a rule breaker but I just can't leave anyone out - must be the teacher in me.

Why now?

These days may keep me busy
though the suffocation of anxiety
spreads wild, burning holes in my soul
vying for acceptance to make me whole
throughout the night as I long for rest
cursing this enemy - my unwanted guest
my mind lacking clarity and devoid of peace
steals the stillness I dare to seek
bleeding tears and chasing fear
I find no solace in these moments here
A creeky bridge I am these days
praying to God to send me  rays
from the sun of hope ... or faith or love
hoping he hears from up above
just getting by - dodging the daggers
dizzy with impatience - I lean and swagger
processing loss and stabilizing sanity
just getting by and dismissing the vanity
that seeks to destroy what's left and strong
as I'm dreading the melt down that's coming along
I search for a hand in the darkness of night
while pleading for relief from this current plight

I stole this quote from my brother....

Time decides who you meet in your life
your heart decides who you want in your life
but your actions decide who remains in your life...


I found this quote on my brother's facebook page and found it very profound and fitting.  I have been contemplating many of my choices and where I place my loyalties.  It's time to be loyal to myself -first.  I tend to be loyal to a fault - allowing other's to determine whether or not I will remain in their lives or they will remain in mine.  What's up with that you ask?  I know the feeling of abandonment and rejection all too well and I suppose I think everyone deserves a second chance - a come back so to speak.  The problem is, I give too many chances.  You know the old saying "history repeats itself"?  Well, I just allow history to repeat - repeat - repeat.  I have to begin to take notice when my feelings are being disregarded in these situations and be comfortable with drawing the line.  So today I say - no more!