Allowing

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the spirit of allowing

brings boundless gifts

as karmic inheritance reigns  

them in - enveloping a heart

open enough to accept


and be at peace with 

whatever may be

may you be blessed

by the spirit of allowing


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Laugh

Sometimes, I have to laugh
at her thought of
"out of sight...out of mind"
does she not know
that I am unforgettable

Sometimes, I have to laugh
at the ignorance of the man
who claims to be reformed,
rehabilitated, changed
and then turns around
and disturbs my sense of trust

Sometimes, I have to laugh
when I am treated as a fool
and baited to get sucked back
into a virual vortex of hell
as intuiton nudges me towards NO

Sometimes, I have to laugh
that I could have used spite
to bring down that sham of a
connection you claimed
you no longer had but...
your dishonesty will do
that on its own for you

Sometimes, I have to laugh
that in light of poor behavior
I will not turn you out as friend..
because I think you undoubtedly
will need one

Sometimes, I have to laugh
for there is nothing left to do

My Heart!!

Merry Christmas from Santa's Best Elf!!

Hopeful. Happy. Free.

I'm looking back on a really tough year.  No, not tough - horrendous.  I smile inside - I did it.  I made it through. I can now function in the world around me the way I was meant to - for the most part.  My body is no longer ravaged by endometriosis. I have meat on my bones - no longer a skeleton that people scoff at.   I'm virtually pain-free...physically.   I have scars - most of them internal now.   Each day, I count my blessings and try to find purpose in a disease that I suffered with for some 23 years before diagnosis.  I'll never give birth to a child. I was really coming to terms with it - really, I was.  Even with prego bellies everywhere, I was ok...that is until this month.  December.  The season of magic.  Christmas.  The holiday for children.  The time of year I had always dreamed I'd share with my own children.  It's been hard to get in the spirit because I know a dream has died and a part of me has died along with it.  So with the close of this year, I mourn that dream BUT my friends, little miracles are happening everywhere around me.  I am excited - very excited about the year ahead.  Great things are in the works and I'm dreaming new dreams, BIG dreams.  I am grateful.  I am hopeful.  I am happy.  I am free.

Christmastown

If you're ever in the Charlotte area in December and you need a little Christmas.....

right this very  minute....

 complete with a plethora of Christmas lights.....wreaths.....

 patriotic tributes to our soldiers.....

PEACE, LOVE....

 and the reassurance that Christ still is part of Christmas.....

then come to McAdenville......

You'll be glad you did!!!

Unfinished Business

why do we dive
head first into torture
when we know danger is impending
already feeling the pain of loss
as each day melts into another
I question the sanity
and the obsurdity of
the fantastical dreams
and so wonder why we dare
to dream in this way at all
is it safe in that we know
the end is imminent
and the void of long ago
shall never be filled
do we dare challenge
the strength of friendship
decades strong
or has self preservation
reared its head
because we can not
chance the risk

Less Than

do I give credence

to a pain so

strikingly familiar that

I shake at the thought

of its return

do I ask why

as babies surround me

and none of them are mine

and how do I wash away

the lower than, less than

seed that was planted long ago

can I continue to smile

as the mourning continues

to dizzy this heart and mind
I can only hope for time

Subject to Change

Those words I once penned
in the stillness of night
were left carelessly out in the rain

the bleeding, ink and blurred remains
are all that's left behind

I gave a shrug and a sigh
beneath the cobwebs of my mind

where the voice of intuition whispered
you've been down this path before

but the weight of a hopeful heavy heart
doubted that escape clause

which in no uncertain terms
sang I'll love you now
but not 'til forever
for life is subject to change

Tower (a repost)

I pause and reflect

upon the mosaic of my existence

recollecting scattered thoughts

as the ill mood of irritability

blows away like a dandelion

in the ferocity of a powerful wind

I allow realization to surface

and readjust my frame of mind to

accept that the fire within is deep

it is wild - it is fierce

it may dwindle but

only for so long as it takes

to revel, recharge, and reassess

for it fuels long lost dreams

and ignites passion owned by

my courage and desire to

confront the unknown

as the myriad of feelings

both unwanted and undesirable

work cohesively to draw the shades upon

my world as I know it and jade

my view of hope and serenity

though they stand powerless

against the omnipotent tower within