Hopeful. Happy. Free.

I'm looking back on a really tough year.  No, not tough - horrendous.  I smile inside - I did it.  I made it through. I can now function in the world around me the way I was meant to - for the most part.  My body is no longer ravaged by endometriosis. I have meat on my bones - no longer a skeleton that people scoff at.   I'm virtually pain-free...physically.   I have scars - most of them internal now.   Each day, I count my blessings and try to find purpose in a disease that I suffered with for some 23 years before diagnosis.  I'll never give birth to a child. I was really coming to terms with it - really, I was.  Even with prego bellies everywhere, I was ok...that is until this month.  December.  The season of magic.  Christmas.  The holiday for children.  The time of year I had always dreamed I'd share with my own children.  It's been hard to get in the spirit because I know a dream has died and a part of me has died along with it.  So with the close of this year, I mourn that dream BUT my friends, little miracles are happening everywhere around me.  I am excited - very excited about the year ahead.  Great things are in the works and I'm dreaming new dreams, BIG dreams.  I am grateful.  I am hopeful.  I am happy.  I am free.