Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Losing the Battle
why must she be left alone
to fight this losing battle
make decisions that will change
the course of life dreams,
hopes, and wonders
is there a silver lining in
that low hovering cloud
is there a ray of sunglight
on these dark days
will the full moon guide
her to answer the unanswerable
does she have the fight left
or is it too late
is she changed forever
doomed by a disease
doomed by the abandonment
scarred by the fictitious
port in the storm
will she grow old alone
doomed to a life of solace
was this all practice for
a life predestined
is it no wonder she leans
towards solitude?
Had she known her fate
all along - deep and intuitive?
Will strength be gained once more?
to fight this losing battle
make decisions that will change
the course of life dreams,
hopes, and wonders
is there a silver lining in
that low hovering cloud
is there a ray of sunglight
on these dark days
will the full moon guide
her to answer the unanswerable
does she have the fight left
or is it too late
is she changed forever
doomed by a disease
doomed by the abandonment
scarred by the fictitious
port in the storm
will she grow old alone
doomed to a life of solace
was this all practice for
a life predestined
is it no wonder she leans
towards solitude?
Had she known her fate
all along - deep and intuitive?
Will strength be gained once more?
Freedom
Freedom of the heart is a grand notion
it is even grander when
you experience it first hand
no longer being held hostage by
hopes, illusions and delusions
ammends that have no backbone
and no improving behavior to match
no more words tossed your way to
shut you up and keep you at bay
no more deal breakers - whoa!
freedom from someone elses
bouts of anger, depression, and arrogance
and hidden under all that is a person
with the capacity of great things
you see it, only if you go along with what
he wants to do, and only what he wants to discuss
All those months, and in one day
all the love is gone, a single a-ha moment
All that waiting.... though a good lesson has
taken place - there are no excuses for bad behavior
no exuses to keep breaking the same heart
and no excuses for devouring the same soul
it is even grander when
you experience it first hand
no longer being held hostage by
hopes, illusions and delusions
ammends that have no backbone
and no improving behavior to match
no more words tossed your way to
shut you up and keep you at bay
no more deal breakers - whoa!
freedom from someone elses
bouts of anger, depression, and arrogance
and hidden under all that is a person
with the capacity of great things
you see it, only if you go along with what
he wants to do, and only what he wants to discuss
All those months, and in one day
all the love is gone, a single a-ha moment
All that waiting.... though a good lesson has
taken place - there are no excuses for bad behavior
no exuses to keep breaking the same heart
and no excuses for devouring the same soul
Friday, January 22, 2010
Sometimes
Sometimes
Love is not enough
Sometimes
you have to live and learn
Sometimes
you have to just let go
Sometimes
you have to demand more
Sometimes
you have to put yourself first
Sometimes
you will never be enough
Sometimes
they just don't know better
Sometimes
they weren't taught romantic love
Sometimes
I just have to send good thoughts and forgive...
as I walk away
Love is not enough
Sometimes
you have to live and learn
Sometimes
you have to just let go
Sometimes
you have to demand more
Sometimes
you have to put yourself first
Sometimes
you will never be enough
Sometimes
they just don't know better
Sometimes
they weren't taught romantic love
Sometimes
I just have to send good thoughts and forgive...
as I walk away
Maybe
maybe
there are those you let
in and out of your life
and they suck out of you
everything last thing
you have to give
your soul, your sunshine,
even your self respect
they do this all the while
making you feel guilty, a burden
for asking for anything in return
and making you feel like
you agreed to the plan
and then don't even show the
desire or mutual respect
to even attempt to give back
what you need or desire
a one sided, very convenient
existence - twisted at that
maybe, I'll try it some time
maybe, if I decide to become
selfish, self-centered
maybe if I decide to think
only of number one for once
maybe, if I get tired of trying
to meet people in the middle
maybe, if I wake up some day
and just stop caring
maybe, just maybe
hell, I've learned from the best
maybe, but probably not
there are those you let
in and out of your life
and they suck out of you
everything last thing
you have to give
your soul, your sunshine,
even your self respect
they do this all the while
making you feel guilty, a burden
for asking for anything in return
and making you feel like
you agreed to the plan
and then don't even show the
desire or mutual respect
to even attempt to give back
what you need or desire
a one sided, very convenient
existence - twisted at that
maybe, I'll try it some time
maybe, if I decide to become
selfish, self-centered
maybe if I decide to think
only of number one for once
maybe, if I get tired of trying
to meet people in the middle
maybe, if I wake up some day
and just stop caring
maybe, just maybe
hell, I've learned from the best
maybe, but probably not
..as I have danced with the devil
Doubt lingers upon the journey of hope
clouding perception as it grips my throat
forcing me to look back to times
unprotected, unsheltered, unwanted
I disengage as my hurried thoughts jade
the presence before me
as I have danced with the devil
like a sleep walker in a numb state of
unawareness in order to protect
all I have left worth saving, my heart-
as it dares to dream against the odds
and in spite of the memories of days long ago
that feel much more close than the distant past
clouding perception as it grips my throat
forcing me to look back to times
unprotected, unsheltered, unwanted
I disengage as my hurried thoughts jade
the presence before me
as I have danced with the devil
like a sleep walker in a numb state of
unawareness in order to protect
all I have left worth saving, my heart-
as it dares to dream against the odds
and in spite of the memories of days long ago
that feel much more close than the distant past
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The Design of Us
Memories
swim
through my
faded existence
memories of you
I channel my force
towards positive
today it's not hard
like yesterday
and probably tomorrow
I remember the gentleness
you showered over
a broken body
devoid of all things good
you made me believe
and so I was salvagable
though, that was a fleeting
dream lived out by a fairy
just as was the design of us
it was fun to pretend
for awhile
swim
through my
faded existence
memories of you
I channel my force
towards positive
today it's not hard
like yesterday
and probably tomorrow
I remember the gentleness
you showered over
a broken body
devoid of all things good
you made me believe
and so I was salvagable
though, that was a fleeting
dream lived out by a fairy
just as was the design of us
it was fun to pretend
for awhile
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Drink up your Sherry
what you need is a fix
go drink your sherry
the one wine you could never
say no to hangs above you
always drifting thoughts
you had my benefit of doubt
until I learned better
the truth - the source
how genuine she was
although the old ties were
apparent as my eyes were avoided
on a chance encounter
indicating mutual adherence
to some unspoken code of
some sordid codependent clinging
thrive as you may as I can now
laugh at your cowering moves
and your big words
that boil down to nothingness
how kind of you to falter after
and seek her approval of me
you longed for her jealousy
but she didn't fall for the bait
she knows your name and your game
and now I have been informed well
a coward's curse has followed
you intimidate the weaker and
you can not even be true to
your own heart, you reek of sherry
drink up your amber colored wine
I raise my glass to this locked door
go drink your sherry
the one wine you could never
say no to hangs above you
always drifting thoughts
you had my benefit of doubt
until I learned better
the truth - the source
how genuine she was
although the old ties were
apparent as my eyes were avoided
on a chance encounter
indicating mutual adherence
to some unspoken code of
some sordid codependent clinging
thrive as you may as I can now
laugh at your cowering moves
and your big words
that boil down to nothingness
how kind of you to falter after
and seek her approval of me
you longed for her jealousy
but she didn't fall for the bait
she knows your name and your game
and now I have been informed well
a coward's curse has followed
you intimidate the weaker and
you can not even be true to
your own heart, you reek of sherry
drink up your amber colored wine
I raise my glass to this locked door
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
When Time Stands Still
temporary healing
brings about fleeting hope
those moments when the hands
of time stand still
as I dream, the clock has stopped
an untamed heart, wonders, ponders
and believes that someone
is watching, waiting
seeing these scars
as badges of insurmountable courage
fueled by a heart that refuses
to let go
a dreamer just waiting
for the final fantasy, the last
train when two hands become
intertwined forever
locked together for
the purpose of dual strength
a magical duet, the finest
performances striking
high, hopeful, happy chords...
brings about fleeting hope
those moments when the hands
of time stand still
as I dream, the clock has stopped
an untamed heart, wonders, ponders
and believes that someone
is watching, waiting
seeing these scars
as badges of insurmountable courage
fueled by a heart that refuses
to let go
a dreamer just waiting
for the final fantasy, the last
train when two hands become
intertwined forever
locked together for
the purpose of dual strength
a magical duet, the finest
performances striking
high, hopeful, happy chords...
Heads "Pack" - for Heads or Tails Tuesdays
Heads: Pack (or formerly known as Dark Knight)
Long haired cat - alone no pack
strayed territory, again
as she promised she never would
hadn't she learned her lesson
that of the darkness of night?
left her safety sought the friend
left misunderstood
made her way - confused, then stranded
Dark road - tried to run
suddenly surrounded
angry black dogs - hungry
afraid - she meowed, no one to hear
the odor of fear crushed her senses
couldn't flee, couldn't fight
porch princess
was no match for a pack dogs
forced to submission
stripped of everything
even her dime store collar
approaching car dispersed
it was over anyway
ran back to her territory
licking her unseen wounds
hid - alone and curled up
wishing for comfort
long haired cat, the night
is dark ...
and now so is she...
dark.
Long haired cat - alone no pack
strayed territory, again
as she promised she never would
hadn't she learned her lesson
that of the darkness of night?
left her safety sought the friend
left misunderstood
made her way - confused, then stranded
Dark road - tried to run
suddenly surrounded
angry black dogs - hungry
afraid - she meowed, no one to hear
the odor of fear crushed her senses
couldn't flee, couldn't fight
porch princess
was no match for a pack dogs
forced to submission
stripped of everything
even her dime store collar
approaching car dispersed
it was over anyway
ran back to her territory
licking her unseen wounds
hid - alone and curled up
wishing for comfort
long haired cat, the night
is dark ...
and now so is she...
dark.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Moving on!
I'm back and better than ever .... writing up a storm and hanging with some new friends...unloading the users and those that seek to do nothing but gratify themselves. I am working on being true to my 2010 resolutions - actions speak louder than poetic words - those I write and mostly those I hear and that I am sometimes stupid enough to listen to - if someome mistreats you or fills you with empty promises, RUN. Those who love you will move mountains to meet in the middle somewhere. The best predictor of future behavior is that of the past. Trust your gut, it will save you heartbreak. This girl is moving on. I'll be posting a lot of things that I have written over the past year that may or may not have been posted before, some insightful - some not. Look forward to your input. xoxo
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I Wait
she can envelope and encase you in real love if you let her try
the agony of the past will be long forgotten, you'll soon see why
she'll introduce you to a love so loyal, strong and true
she's been in the shadows, patiently waiting for you
I wonder if you've ever considered how she felt
and how your sensitive nature makes her heart melt
she so admires your multidimensional personality and your style
in your presence she can relax and be mellow for a short while
time has not yet been on her side
still she waits and waits, her heart open wide
she feels the warmth of hope in each rising sun
that soon the love of your heart might be won
the agony of the past will be long forgotten, you'll soon see why
she'll introduce you to a love so loyal, strong and true
she's been in the shadows, patiently waiting for you
I wonder if you've ever considered how she felt
and how your sensitive nature makes her heart melt
she so admires your multidimensional personality and your style
in your presence she can relax and be mellow for a short while
time has not yet been on her side
still she waits and waits, her heart open wide
she feels the warmth of hope in each rising sun
that soon the love of your heart might be won
Will You?
You may understand how I unraveled,
for on the same path you have traveled.
If I lean in your direction,
will you give my heart protection?
If you place your hand in mine,
I think again, the sun might shine.
and upon the shadows of my face,
there will be no longer be a trace.
Will you be my port in this storm,
and show me tenderness to keep me warm?
Will you promise to be a true friend,
and love me 'til the very end?
Together, there may be a fleeting chance,
to live a happy, true romance.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Good Bye 2009
2009 was a very eventful year. As I made my resolutions and conjured up new dreams last year on this very day, little did I know the reality I would come to experience. What a roller coaster ride the past year has been. I have known happiness, sadness, sickness, health...and well too many other things - many of which you have read through my sometimes true to life poetry. Just like last year, I have resolutions and dreams. I love the blank slate of a new year..nice, neat clean pages upon which I will continue to write my story. Hopefully the wisdom of 2009 will only serve to light my fire within and I will walk my path to fate. There are lots of new changes that happened for me at the end of 2009, both good and bad, so I am ready to soar above and live the life I'm meant to live! I want to thank you, dear readers, for your continued support, friendship, and love that you have so kindly bestowed upon me. I never knew what I was getting into one year ago when I began this blog and friends, it's been worth the ride! Bring on 2010. Are ya with me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)